i sent a long, heartfelt, four-paragraph message to my father whom i haven’t seen in fifteen years and he sent me back a thumbs-up sign.
"every day, once a day, give yourself a present. don’t plan it. don’t wait for it. just let it happen. it could be a new shirt at the men’s store, a catnap in your office chair, or two cups of good, hot black coffee."
i’m starting to realize that i don’t need to finish college to feel perfectly content with myself. at least not right now. i’m not saying that everyone shouldn’t go to college or that college is pointless because it’s totally not. i’m a big fan of going to college for the right reasons. if you know what you want to do with yourself then there is absolutely no better place to be than college. but i don’t. i’m not ready yet. i still don’t know what i want to do with my life. i’m only nineteen, so i think that’s relatively normal, but even if it’s not, i’ve never considered myself normal. i used to be slightly embarrassed of telling people that i was taking some time off school because they’d just give me this shitty solicitous look, that look where you can practically see the pity seeping out of their eyeballs. i hated that look. i’m not a failure, at least not conventionally. i don’t want anyone’s pity. i just have trouble focusing my brain on one specific career path. i want to be a beekeeper and a fortune teller and an astronaut and a minotaur. i don’t want to be anything too specific. i just want to BE. even if i end up being one of those people who lives under a boardwalk and sells pencils out of a tin cup and has birds living in their hair, i’ll still be. i’ll be happy, and i will BE. you know? as long as i have enough money to make it to comic-con every year and the wherewithal to generally see the funny side of things and make my little self-deprecating jokes, i think i’ll be okay.